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अत्यंत्त प्रसंन्त्ता

2009-10-31T12:57:00.002-04:00

अत्यंत्त प्रस्संता "atyantt prasanta" means overwhelming happiness, something that i havent experienced since long..i am happy..but i for some strange reason the atyantt prasantta stage is long due..something that is less spoken and more felt..happiness which is the perfect combination of satisfaction and joy..rather satisfaction..joy and a direct reflection of an event which just occurred.alright, so taking it one at a time.. joy..i am generally jovial..i mean i dont have much to worry about..the smaller things in life do make me worry about them..but im not sure if completion of them would make me that happy..then there is work..my job..which with the grace of god..is going smooth..smooth..more like a steady sttraight line..without any bumps..something that my friend was talking about yesterday..a job very bland.. lacking all the masala aka challenges and uphill tasks..something that would make that line go up or down..but then again..doing good work is not the source of happiness..maybe satisfaction..but then i leave the other two untouched.. direct reflection of an event..well the next big one would be my parents visit..which is in about a month.. but again..then it would be all joy... offlate i have learned that not everything is controlled by me..and that i should not be trying to predict the future..no matter how much information i have.. i have some idea of it..but i would rather keep it for a future post..when it really happens...that way i can try putting it in words then..which im sure would be a huge challenge.. जय श्री राम ॥

sunday night insomnia

2009-10-26T01:10:00.002-04:00

heard and read a lot about sunday being the most depressing day in a workers life as the last day of joy and monday being the first day of the week. but in my case its a little different. all week i am happy with my work, i like the weekdays, they keep me busy and i really like my job.. so all is good there, sunday night is when i tend to have weird depressing thoughts about my life...depressing as in running a check on my life and what i have done with it..this week..this month..this year.. i am not disappointed with this behaviour of mine because its nice that i keep a check on my status and know whats right and wrong..but why sunday night..maybe because i am busy the whole week..and then all weekend..till saturday...with friends..with people around me i can talk to..keeping me busy..but then comes sunday when nobody wants to do anything..just sit back and relax..maybe because i dont have much to do.. maybe..hehe..because i am single and my other friends are busy spending quality time with their loved ones..its 1am and i am not sleepy..infact there have been times when i have had a strong urge to get up and go to the office to avoid that awkward moment of thoughts..i was going to write this post last week..but ended up just lying on the bed fighting my thoughts till 4 am..wow..that was weird..i must have logged on and off the computer several times that night...my first thought about this was the absence of peace of mind..maybe something that i am missing..something that should give me sleepless nights..but is not..the solution for that..i thought i wasnt really giving the job search all my might..so some sunday nights.. i just spend browsing websites and applying for jobs..today..i have nothing..nothing except insomnia..and a pile of clothes i just took out from the drier..i have done my homework..i checked my email for work.. i went through my work computer for any new jobs assigned to me..i see nothing..its funny.. but this is the kind of feeling i used to get when discussing the feeling of "falling in love" with a friend..i think i can call it"being helpless"..because i could never decode that feeling.. i know its there..but im not sure what to do with it now..with love..its about expressing it i guess...here..its about solving it..in both cases.. how do you know if what you are experiencing is what you think it is..im not confused..just a little over curious about both..anyways..the best part about it..is that i dont experience it for another week...nevertheless.. जो भी होता है आचे के लए होता है ॥ जय श्री राम ॥

random thoughts

2009-10-11T02:42:00.004-04:00

the other day my friend introduced me to this colleague of his who was to share our apartment for a week.. we got talking and i asked him about his work and personal life.. since he was living with us now..i asked him if he was married..then i commented on the fact that he is a happy man..he has a wife..a companion in a lonely place like this..especially for someone who just came aboard..one thing led to another..and i asked him if his wife knew how to cook..to my surprise his reply was "obviously she knows how to cook..she is a housewife"..my respect score for him dropped about 40 points when he said that..and i decided to tell him that he was talking like a chauvinist male.. she is a woman..she has to know how to cook..what kind of statement is that..its almost like "he is a guy he should know about cars".. i wont say much about it..but it was pretty sad to know that there are people who live in their own "default" world..i resisted not talking more about it..because i realised he has probably passed the learning stage and was now in his own world..also, off late i have stopped giving gyaan to people i think would not appreciate it..rather accept or deny it... ------ offlate, i have realised.. i although am a slow learner..tend to judge people by the tiny things they do..i might change my perspective as i learn about them..but that first verdict..always sticks to my mind..good or bad..i find myself going back to that first impression everytime..its almost magical how i find a way to relate everything good or bad to that firs decision.. i havent yet found a way to know if this is good or bad..i guess i am more of the first impression is the "first image" kind of person..the image can blur..the image can have more images piled up on it..but it would be a huge pile for it to be lost..and a pile of things opposite in nature to the first image.. ------- i had posted an entry sometime back about fear..and how it stops us from doing anything wrong..how the fear of falling from a cliff makes us stop walking and turn around.. i wonder if there is a check on our behavior and on our reactions that would let us know when to stop..if i am really upset over something..and am in a "good" argument with another person who does not think the same way..i tend to break all barriers..professional or personal..to know why he is right..and i am wrong..and very often..in this argument..i reach a place where i stand as open as a harbor gate..and the other as a ship hesitant to dock.. i need an indicator..something that can let me know that the ship does not want to dock because it fears the cargo would be exposed to the world.. maybe then i can give the ship some assurance that it wont be done..a simple check and the ship would be back in the open ocean.. i seriously do know why i used ships and docks here..nevertheless..the search for an indicator is on.. जय श्री राम ॥

me help YOU = you HELP ME

2009-10-03T03:35:00.002-04:00

the big talk

2009-10-03T03:04:00.002-04:00

i talk a lot, i talk about everything, and when you talk to me, i could easily give you the impression of being the best guy you can talk to about your issue, but quite frankly, i sometimes am not. i am not somebody who is doing everything right, i am not somebody who is doing things my way..even if its "my way".. i got my car inspection done from the dmv today, i have been driving my car for about 2 years now without a valid inspection sticker on it..everytime i passed a cop car, or was driving over the speed limit, i would have be worried about a cop stopping me and giving me a ticket not just for the speed but the fact that i was driving an unfit car..not that now i have a legit car..i can break the rules but i realised, all this time..i was deprioritising, what i always think my first priority is "peace of mind"..all because i could not afford it.. i could not afford to get my car fixed, i could not afford a pair of new suspensions or get my emergency brake fixed..things that werent just essential for the inspection but also for my safety in case of a mishap.. this lead me to thinking about all those people who in stages of their life decide to put money before peace of mind.. i remember telling this friend of mine that i have had sleepless nights because i was not at peace..today, i have no reason to justify all the good night sleeps that i have had for the past years i have been here..i was so preoccupied with the other things in life..i never gave importance to the inner me..there has never been a day that i have driven back from work and have not thought about driving illegally, but i reach home, and i am good..that is all i want the car to do.. take me home safely..every night.. i am a little confused..i am writing this today, because now onwards i would rather not judge anybody at first sight.. i would not look at the driver next to me and go "he has a dent on his car..why cant these people save some money and get it fixed..all they have to do..is not party one weekend and that would do it for them"..i have to stop doing that..there are certain rules in life that i follow..and they change..adapt..to the situation they are used in..after all.. i think it is pretty hard to make a golden rule for life..atleast for me..today i drive a car which has a huge dent on the right side..almost on the door..again something i think about whenever i offer my friends a ride in the car.. if i get it fixed..one less thing i have to worry about..but then i guess it is about prioritizing things that really bother you..things that really steal you sleep..and that dent..has not reached that line yet..so it sits there every time when my friends talk about it..the good part..it comes up then..comes up pretty close to the line..and then goes back to its original place..maybe that is what was happening to my inspection sticker issue..it never reached the line..but today when i have taken care of it..i can sit back and let the race go on for a little more time..with the slow runners..anyways..the inspection is done..and now i can drive my car without any fear of being caught for something other than my driving..which..by the way.. i am very proud of..i would like to thank god..for being with me..all this time..जय श्री राम ॥

values with a twist

2009-09-25T02:33:00.002-04:00

the basic thought behind this post is not religion or being religious..its about people who i dont understand. this one is not to make me understand them, but more or less a post for the record, for me not be in a condition that they are now at. off late, i have been on the receiving side of gyan from people who themselves are lost, but nevertheless, i give them a fighting chance, because i know the day that i reply , it would be a one shot knockout, they would not even know what hit them. alright, lets start it this way, i am not that much into all the baba's and the devi's that we have in India, I dont get the point of them being, because they state the obvious, and any individual with some understanding of the concept of faith and spirituality would know what i am talking about. I dont consider myself very religious, mostly because i have seen people who are more dedicated to religion than i am, and boy are they serious about it, for them i have nothing to say. its the people who talk about religion and dupe their parents every day, every moment of their lives. This friend of mine, who is very particular about religion, tells us to shut up whenever her parents call because she does not want her parents to know that she is in a "live-in" relationship with her boyfriend..i made some eggs yesterday, and reminded me that it was navratri and we shouldnt be eating non vegetarian food, i could have stopped, but i did not, why.. because she is a nobody when it comes to religion, you do all the talk you want to... you behave all the ways you want to..at the end of the day..the god almighty knows what really is happening.. its not in our hands not to lie to god, i mean whatever you do..its really out..what is in our hands, is to be true to the people we care about, our parents.. like its rightfully said in many hindi movies...mata pita bhagwaan ka roop hote hain..and it is definitely in our hands not to make fun of the freedom that they have granted us..smaller things in life.. can be hidden..but not the bigger ones..you lie to your parents who have taken care of you all your life for a guy you met 9 months ago.. you do that.. none of my business..just dont tell me that i am doing something wrong by not following my religion..and quite frankly.. leaving the parents scenario apart.. which baba..which devi.. which religion tells you to live together..without marriage.. i dont mean to sound like a maniac here..but its the rapid changing culture that scares me..not long ago i got the shock of my life when this friend of mine had something else to say about it..this was one of the few topics i did not want an argument on..because i would loose respect for that friend..and i dont want to do that..its not the argument that i am backing off from.. its the result..the disappointment of not being able to convince people that change is good...but till a certain extent..anyways..as i have refrained myself from the gyaan sessions that were exhausting for me and for the people of the "upper level".. all i do now, is mind my own business and go on..and believe me.. it is fun..i have more time..i am more patient.. and i am re enforcing my self control dimension.. try it out sometime.. its actually pretty cool.. like..somebody is going all left right and centre at you..just give them a decent reply.."that could be possible".."ok..thats good".."take care"..."thanks".. it really works..i dont really write about religious things..because i know its very dynamic..and the topic itself is pretty vast..but then..sometimes.. i really need to let it out..not on them...जय श्री राम ॥

on the border

2009-09-23T16:38:00.002-04:00

i have always felt that i was very clear cut about the things that i do or say, and that any of my expressions can be easily classified into a certain kind of behavior॥ but off late, i have felt it has been tough to keep my actions close to that phase where it crosses over to preaching.. in other words, my intention when i start a conversation is to justify my thoughts and make sure the other person knows exactly what i am talking about, believe me when i say its tough because i try to keep it simple, especially when the issue is not that big। this post would probably help me realize when to stop, when to quit a conversation when i know its not going to work out. but at the same time, its pretty hard for me to leave a conversation without a solution, im not saying that the solution should be mutual, you have yours, i have mine.. but how about explaining why there is a difference between out verdicts, is that too much to ask for. after all, it is your decision, you do have a thought behind it, just blabber out those words. i get into arguments not for a decision, but to know if my way is right or wrong, and if it is wrong, then why so.. i have to admit that i get a little agitated when i dont get the reason behind the other person's verdict because then it leaves me hanging in mid air..why..what..what if..if not this..then that... and for the record, if it is your thought, why cant you stand by it and defend it, defend it from all those claims of it being wrong, be a man !! respect your decision..put it on table...let it go through a test and let it come out as a winner.. i hate it when people back out from an argument saying "this is what i think, and i dont have to tell you why i think so".. you dont have to tell me...why dont you first get the thought straight in your mind..and then we will talk about it..they are just scared.. i dont know of what, but they are..and that is when my teaching crosses the fence.. i have to tell them that this is something wrong that they are doing...unfortunately i havent been much successful with this approach, but i dont care,, if i have something to say, i will, if i kept everything inside me, i wont be able to sleep that night.. i have had times when i have got up wee hours in the morning, and have sent messages to them, making sure they know what i feel..but then.. like i always say..people will have to step down from the level that they are right now at to match my frequency..and i havent met much people who think that way..hence.. i am going to put a stronger fence around my teaching..infact..would think twice before giving an advice..but yes, when i really get someone who is at my level..there will be no boundaries, probably because there wont be any preaching..i would be happy then.. happy talking to them..ah..i havent had that experience since long..i had it..i did.. a long time back...then i dont know.. i think i lost it somewhere.. i now dont even have a memory of that meet..wow..i actually dont..bits and pieces here and there...but not the experience..anyways..i am glad i have already stopped the preaching part..the teaching..i guess will stop soon... जय श्री राम ॥

"my" wingman "my" lessons

2009-09-03T01:03:00.003-04:00

off late i have been thinking about people who have helped me in understanding the world, and it struck me then that i am getting addicted to their advise and i feel sometime i take them for granted. this friend of mine...to whom i must have asked a million questions, decided to let me fly solo this time.. aha.. unknown battlefield.. equipped with only 6 air to air missiles...its basically about 6 chances that im getting to prove that i am not addicted to junta's advice.. the tough part about it.. i dont understand why i have to fly solo..especially in mission which are a little tough to crack..umm..nea..that didnt come out well.. lets take another approach..scene 1 all my missions till now have been with my wingman..and i would emphasis on "my" because i do need to confirm my decisions with people i trust..to engage..to defend.. to go back to base..and the other regular stuff.. hell.. i even ask my wingman about the color of my shoes..all in all.. when in doubt ask the wingman..scene 2.. one fine sunny flying day.. my wingman decides not to fly with me.. i am a pilot.. i cant make excuses.. i still have to make the flight..and i know i have my fellow pilots with me...they are there to help me..and of course confirm my decisions..but its not the same..its not the same frequency i am used to.. its not the same lingo that i am used to..its pure and simple sending and receiving..and for all i know.. i might get a reply which would concur with my decision...but not with the mission..scene 3...days and week "fly" by..and now..although i am on my mission.. i know my goals.. i am confident about my decisions..i feel there is something missing..the wingman on my right wing is there no more.. is it that i have got used to the absence.. or is it because now i know if my decision are good or not.. i dont need no wingman to back me up with my choices !! scene 4... the wingman is back..after a long interval of time.. the wingman is back !!... we are back in the air.. the dream team is in action.. the mission is accomplished..but what happened to the communication ?..where did my favorite frequency go ? i guess..now that i have my solo flight experience.. i dont need to care about the color of my shoes.. it does not matter if the wingman says no..its my gutt feeling..and i will do it myway !!scene 5..there is no wingman..its just me..up in the skies..ah..ive been there.. done that.. what do i need to think of, i have my allies to take care of the "backing up"..my decision are perfect..my frequency is only of my own.. i dont need to communicate anything..what i have..is my plane..and my goal reach.. i know the wingman is not going to come back..the wingman is gone..gone to another place..for good....scene 5.. engage enemy !! ... the 5th missile is fired... battlefield...i spot one enemy aircraft flying low..its carrying the critical attack weapon.... i lock my missile...but wait.. if i miss..the enemy fires its primary weapon and the mission fails.. my allies are no where to be found...its now or never..beep beep.. i hear a strange noise...almost a voice, something telling me to go for it..but what is it ? a technical snag perhaps..if i dont fire now.. i might not be able to use the weapon at all..in a state of trance.. i make my aircraft drop altitude..like a rock dropping from the sky..and stopping almost midway..in level with "pheta S4" the enemy aircraft..i see it..its huge..and now..it knows about me..all set to fire..i pray to god..and my radio says "clear to engage..back up has arrived"..i look to my right..its my wingman...a thumbs up hand gesture..and the missile is on its way...a missile is fired in retaliation...what do i care.. i have my wingman to take care of it..but no..there is no aircraft on my right..and i have a missile coming at me..damn !! lets get out of here... "RTB.. Return to Base" screams my radio..full throttle..im heading back..i receive visual confirmation from the allies that "Pheta s4" has been destroyed.."it went down with the second missile" they say..some other friendly aircraft took it down i guess.. I land at the airbase to find that the "friendly aircraft" was my wingman.. who was less concerned about my damage and more about destroying the root cause..my wingman went after the source..hence not just making my flight safe that day...but for every mission that i would go to..a quick low flypast..and i know my wingman is gone..maybe not tomorrow..but i wish sometimes my wingman would be back at its place..on my right for another mission.. not much said..no more questions...just the presence.. जय श्री राम

gears of love..1..2..3..4..5..R

2009-08-27T20:54:00.003-04:00

of questions..

2009-08-23T00:41:00.002-04:00

its not just this one person, but off late many people have told me that i have this habit of asking a lot of questions.. hence.. a little thought..i was gonna start this post with going to a dictionary and getting the real meaning of questions..does anything with a question mark in the end qualify as a question..i dont know.. and i dont really care..its very simple.. i dont know it..so i ask about it.. if i am curious... i ask.. if i need a reason.. i ask.. i do understand that somewhere in the all the asking, the questions get personal and the person irritated.. but its very hard for me to digest an "just like that"..i dont get it..i might be wrong here..but i think the real answer..that people dont really say..is "i dont know".. "why are you doing this ?".. "just like that".. you are doing it right now..and you dont know why you are doing it..is usually me next question..and hehehe.. that is when people usually start getting irritated..then the debate about not knowing what you are..and the good old.."its too personal".. i can understand the personal part of it.. but its a fact that i dont question strangers.. and by that i mean people i dont know very well.. i ask questions only to people who i think would have an answer for it..and can explain it to me in a way i can understand..you see.. i am a slow learner..and it does take me some time to process responses which are coded..although.. i do get to them..but it takes time.. from what i remember.. i have never stopped anybody to ask me questions.. i have nothing to hide..and i stand by what i say..and think.. aha.. another reason why i think people refrain from answering my questions..they are for lack of words..not confident about their thoughts..again..it happens..i mean..go ahead..say "im not sure".. and i know my reply to it would be "find out"..but you can always ignore that..also..i like to compare my thoughts with the people around me..and justify my reason to be..for that..i need to ask the other person..the same questions that came to my mind when encountering the same situation..i am proud of the fact that i am very patient with things..and its nice to know that people around me appreciate that..but then.. im sure my patience is not rubbing off on the person answering to me..woah.. "answering to me"..aahh..not in the rude sense.. i mean.. i know you dont have to answer my questions..all i am asking for is some patience..and some answers..hehehe..its obvious i should not expect everybody around me to answer all the things i ask them..but what about the things that are obvious..i dont really get personal unless it is about something that concerns me..well..that does slip off my mind sometimes....something that probably needs more practise..well.. its been long since i said it..but this is probably something that i havent become perfect at.. my problem with the restricted questions is the thought that is now in my mind without any reason attached to it.. the simple ones i forget in a flash..but the bigger thoughts do take some time to fade.. il try to think of an example here..now that the thoughts are gone..hard to get back to them.. oh yes..the happening of a girl marrying a random guy inspite of knowing that there is another "gentleman" who likes here..and whome she likes..no struggle..no reason.."just like that".. i have started filtering my questions..which by the way, is very tough..since i go against my natural instinct..not that i ask a lot of questions..just that i like to know things..and quite frankly.. i am not much comfortable about being again myself..just the other day..i was trying it on a friend of mine..and it was horrible..we were talk-less, we had no talk..blogging has always helped me in thinking about things that i do..and believe me or not.. i had not thought about the going against my natural instinct part when i started writing it.. nevertheless..i would not mind changing myself..change is inevitable..but i just hope when i come changing it..it is for good..and for a purpose..if i meet someone..sometime..and "she" does not like the fact that i ask her a lot of questions..and again..questions..as in curiosity..none of the authoritative ones..infact thinking of it.. i dont think i have asked anybody about their whereabouts in a rude way..i will definitely change my approach now.. i think the approach is the problem here..il try to figure things out my way..and then come to the questions.. in fact, i have already started answering questions that i intend to ask..run then through my answer filters and then come out with the unanswered ones..but then its obvious..take times..अब लोग बोलेंगे की यह इतना टाइम क्यूँ लगता है..स्लो है थोडा.. never mind people.. i will get there.. जय श्री राम ॥

परिवर्तन

2009-08-17T19:30:00.002-04:00

logic, love and movies

2009-08-09T02:29:00.001-04:00

well.. weekend..so movies.. masti.. magic..and today it was love aaj kal..and then kabhi haan kabhi na.. two movies with fantastic songs...gggrrreeat watch.. im a hindi movie buff..so cant really enjoy a movie without songs...rather good songs..so its aahu aahu from love aaj kal..and ae kash ke hum..from kabhi haan kabhi na.. anyways.. now for the verdict..not a verdict...more of a comparison.to start with LAK, i thought the scene where she tells the driver to turn the car back to home was the end of the movie, because it being "aaj kal ki love story".. i thought it would have some logic in it..but then..i can digest anything and everything that happens in movies..so in the end when they do "meet"..doesnt come as a surprise to me..coming back to the logic..who on earth has a marriage like the one deepika's character had in the movie, i mean cmon, she just got married..and then she realises its wrong. what the hell were you doing before that ? waiting for the guy to respond..is that still a rule? that was something i could not digest..unlike imitiaz ali's previous movie..one of my favorites..jab we met..which was based on logic..by which i mean..one could relate to it..but this one..umm..not just yet.. i do understand the part where the couple is confused and does not know if their affair has any future...but then i guess there is an expiry date to every decision that you make.. and that day you have the option of using the good old one..or changing it..which in this movie obviously was the marriage..anyways..all in all..timepas movie..but not just yet..now lets get back to THE movie..KHKN..srk playing his age then..is good..ladki going with somebody she likes...good... hero loosing the girl..good..and all equipped with good reasoning..and it not that the movie didnt become popular then..because the hero did not get the girl he wanted.. it was popular because it was a underdog's love route of a circle, ie coming back to where he started from..making complete sense.. i just wish LAK had more of KHKN in it.. making it more believable..special mention..deepika padukone..and her first scene with saif.."pile on"..very something..something that i dont know how to describe..

teen bhai and the brotherhood

2009-08-08T17:17:00.002-04:00

the single reason behind a great friendship among friends is the rapport they share, and this is what this post is all about, me , hatwal, and venkat.. three guys who met in april 2008..three guys who had no similar background..no previous history..hell..one of us wasnt even fluent in hindi..but we met..and history was written..venkat, me and hatwal..we lived together in 55 plainfield..and spend our greatest time together there..it was my first "stay" in the US.. i knew no one.. i had no friends..and was simply expecting myself to mind my business and move on..but then..it never happens that way..rather now that im not there.. i feel im missing something...hatwal went back to India..venkat is in India...will not come back as a bachelor this time..im happy for it..but i miss the time we were together..it was amazing that three guys like us just met..out of sheer destiny..all of us.. laid back in life.. making fun of just everything or everybody around..who wasnt like us..rather wasnt "normal" like us..hehe.. i remember the first time i met hatwal.. i was in my room doing assignments..when in typical hatwal style "padhai karte ho boss tum !!"..haha..i would never have imagined that this dialogue would be sarcastic in the future..then there was venkat "the guy who comes in talking over the phone and goes to his room..comes back downstairs..again on the phone..make food..and goes back upstairs..then one day..and il have no other way of saying this.."beer got us together"..hatwal wanted to drink..he asked me.."boss.. sutta daaru kuch peete ho ?"...me "haan..beer pee leta hoon kabhi kabhi".. hahaha..im so nostalgic now..but anyways.. we called venkat..and off we were..to the closest tavern for our first six pack together.. i have to give beer the credit..the only thing that broke the ice..from then on..we were brothers..this has nothing to do with our age..but venkat was the big guy..hatwal came next..and i was the kid student..not to forget..the pampered kid brother..then there were weekends..there were friends..all who were amazed how the three of us just landed together..a perfect mix..today, when i sit in my new house..in my room..i really miss hatwal saab bugging me to get up and play tennis..the "gay" fights between hatwal and venkat..me..ofcourse..the official photographer of the mega star fights..i know marriage make a better man of everyone..but deep inside.. i just feel bachlerhood is special..i knew then.. i could talk to venkat about any need that i had and he would take care of it..rather both of them together..after all.. i was the pampered one..and now..with my brothers not around..everything feels very abnormal..and the worst part about it.. i dont have them around to make fun of the situation..its not that i dont like the people around me now..but..it cannot be what it was..i have no regrets..i am immensely happy for them..its just that it didnt really hit me till now that it was gonna happen one day..we were so busy with ourselves..that life did not give us time to think about the "not" being us...thank you guys !! ... utmost respect for you !! जय श्री राम ॥

angry we-men

2009-07-27T17:58:00.003-04:00

i was watching bachna ae haseeno the other day, i like the climax, for obvious reasons, deepika padukone, now before i start, its not about her, not about her in person, but the character she plays, very independent, very "she", very women... and the climax, when she does the whole angry scene, just bloms my mind. i really like it when women are angry, for some strange reason, i have respect for women who stand with their decision, but have a strong reason behind that stand, for me all that matters is the decision taken then, the work done then, the reason behind that decision then. this "women' friend of mine believes in "change" something that i truly respect. how can a guy be dynamic if he does not listen to the world around him ? another reason why i am ..frankly speaking attracted to angry women because unlike general girls they are very mature with what they say then, and im sure every body likes that.i feel i can take criticism if it comes with a good reason behind it, there is no harm in accepting your mistakes,even if the blame comes from a women, i say that here because many women feel its hard convicting a guy because of the size of their ego, but then like i always say, if you cant talk all to a friend, or cant be yourself, then its best to go different ways, it is always better to take your chances, let him know about the defects and then leave the "moving on" decision to him. i being a guy have been in many situations where i have let the other person know my views or opinions, and then parted ways. not my fault, he could not just take it, and quite frankly, i dont want to waste time with people who just cant accept the wrong they have done. another reason why i like angry women, because they do it with class, no foul language, no pointed fingers, very lady like. i am writing this because i have had my share of fights with women, some nice, some nasty, and some stupid. nice being, the perfect amalgamation of argument+reason, nasty, argument+reason+foul language. stupid, argument, argument, argument. this is why "needs to be a fighter" tops my list of 'i look for in a girl', its very simple, i dont want her to concur with me on everything i say, that not life, she has her ideas,she has her suggestions, well put it on the table, lets fight it out, we are all adults here, even if we dont come to a conclusion..umm.. nea. i dont like it.. we will come to a conclusion, and learn more about the future while struggling through the present. its very disappointing to know that there are people in the world who want a "gharelu biwi", "kaam karo apna". i dont like it, lets not keep the talk about equality only till our mouths,seep it deep inside so that we can pass it on to the coming generations, let them know that a fight is fair only if its person to person, and not boy to girl. जय श्री राम ॥

becoming "d"

2009-07-25T17:46:00.003-04:00

aha.. finally, it had been so long since i wanted to blog about work. its nice, its good..and i like it..but not just that..the fact that i feel getting closer to being OIT as i spend time there, OIT, Office of Information technology.. at the rider university.. anyways.. like my heading says.. becoming D..becoming deep...becoming a worker there..and now a part of it.. i had heard many people say.. once you get working..and get working good..your life becomes your work..or vice versa..and i dont know if its for good or bad..but sitting idle.. doing nothing at work..or outside work..gets very frustrating..no.. im not a workaholic..but i need work atleast when im in office, i use it as a tool to stay away from all the politics and the gossip there..i strongly believe if you have work..you do work with all your might..and then..at the end of the day..you have no time to discuss anything else other than what you "did" today.. like every office, mine has its own share of problems and issues..which do come up every now and then..and with a million people talking about it..its very hard not to listen and react..but then, like i said.. i keep myself engrossed in work so much that i have got pretty good at it.. minding my own business..the other, a coworker..took this "attitude" of mine as a rude behavior.. it was very hard convincing him that i am still what i was when i joined, its just that, i have scope to do more work now, and so doing it.. its not me..but them who have "expanded" their "talk" to higher and more complex levels.... i would call myself "ignorant" when it comes to non-work-talk..i just dont care, i want my work to be clean and clear..and thats where the story ends for me..but yes, if you talk about my work, i will not stand there and listen..especially when i am not responsible for something that has gone wrong, there have been times when i have with sealed lips taking a beating for something that wasnt mine..but then, it comes with the job..i do have a line of control there, i try to measure my effort in solving a problem to the time convincing the other person that it wasnt me..and then i take the next step.. i have always told them, i am a slow learner, but when i get there, im good. i know office gossip is something that i have no control on, but i just hoped there was less of it around me..and i have become "d" because i dont want to be involved in anything else, except my work. i come, i work, i get payed.. is all i want, if you expect more greeting or "friendly" behavior from me..then you are probably in the wrong place.जय श्री राम ॥

vblog vblog !

2009-07-17T23:59:00.003-04:00

love storeys

2009-07-03T00:22:00.002-04:00

long time no gyaan about the love stories... but nea.. not the regular stuff, as the name suggests.. its more about the "storeys" and how one..actually the pair climbs up the ladder.. why i use storeys here.. well..well..there is a reason, but i would rather not put it here..but lets just say its something thats happening around me..so.. storeys..before i start with it.. i must say, its not just about the relationship growing, couple do that all the time.. they graduate.. they evolve.. but this is more of a step that takes you higher or lower on the ladder.. im not sure if the ladder here...is life.. or their relationship.. i would prefer saying its life.. because relationship thing would fall into the "graduate" category.. anyways.. so from the beginning.. people meet..greet..talk..chat..lunches...dinners..breakfasts.. yes..in the same order..we do all this and more..but when do you exactly know if you have together taken the step up..i would not use "you"..how does the couple know if they have taken a step up or down.. is it always about the husband getting flowers for the wife.. or is it about the wife taking that extra care of the husband..i have often heard them say "he/she has changed a lot since then".. i think this phrase pretty much talks about one half of the picture..and hence..yet again fails to qualify as "a step" in the ladder. i will not talk about step down here.. because i feel its pretty obvious to know that. anyways, back to the the ladder..according to me... the best way to find if the couple is up the ladder is to ask the people around..i mean obviously, if you are the couple you wont go around and ask, but just observe if the people around you are the same with you like they were a year ago. it seems like too much homework, but believe me, its not, just make sure you are sincere to yourself and do have the correct tools to determine if the change is because of "us" or "them".90% of the things that blog about here takes a backseat when you really are in a situation like that, but i feel it still affects the action that you take then, maybe 10 years from now i wont be talking to my wife about ladders and if we are going up or down, but im sure there will be a certain parameter to measure our performance.."our" performance... not mine..and that would probably give us out the final verdict. जय श्री राम ।

exciting things

2009-06-27T02:43:00.004-04:00

new toothpaste flavour
new wiper in my car
different inside
surprise rain
games which i am bad at
organizing things
creativity with home furniture
old groovy songs
first sight of something really dirty that i just cleaned..before and after affect
new cricket ads during world cup
intelligent ads
countdowns
sand
a good lady driver
WIFI connection at a strange place
electronics with great battery life
being the first one at a traffic signal
girl in green(pastel colors)
rocky
baggage claim
power adapters with light indicator
meaning of a person's name
ceiling fan regulator
free flowing bathroom shower
washing hands after cutting nails
cutting paneer and tomatos
soap bubbles
webcams
squeaky sound while brushing my teeth
sparkling knife
all green signals while driving back home
deleting browsing history/starting with a fresh browser window with no url suggest

जय श्री राम

यहाँ मन्ना है

2009-06-21T00:39:00.002-04:00

सीधी सीधी बात है॥ आज यह हम हिन्दी मैं इसलिए लिख रहे हैं क्युकी जो हिन्दी नही जानता उसको शायद यह पढने की ज़रूरत भी नही है। यह है हमारे देश और देश वासियों के बारे मैं॥ आज इस लेख के द्वारा मैं उन् चीज़ों को सामने लाना चाहता हूँ जिनके बारे मैं हम सोचते तोह हैं॥ लेकिन कुछ ख़ास करते नही हैं॥ शुरू करते हैं लेके प्रभु का नाम॥ तोह आपने आज तक कितने कानून तोडे हैं... कितने ही " यहां मन्ना हैं" वाले नियमों को तोडा है॥ यहां गाड़ी अन्दर लाना मन है॥ लिफ्ट मैं भारी समान लाना मन है॥ यहां शोर मचाना मन है ॥ और कई सारे ऐसे नीयम हैं जिनको मैंने तोह कई बार तोडा है॥ बिना उनके परिणाम का ख़याल किए है॥ और आज जब मैं उनके बारे मैं सोचता हूँ तोह एक ही चीज़ मेरे दिमाग मैं खनकती है॥ मैंने इतना सब इसलिए किया क्युकी मैं उस समय वोह करना चाहता था ॥ या इसलिए किया क्युकी वहां वोह करना मन्ना था ॥ क्यूँ उस समय मैं गाड़ी थोडी आगे नही लगा सकता था ॥ क्यूँ उस समय मैं ५ मिनुतों के लिए चुप्प नही बैठ सकता था .मुझे किस्सी और से कुछ लेना देना नही है॥ मैंने यहां सिर्फ़ अपने बारे मैं लिखता हूँ॥ क्युकी मैं सिर्फ़ अपने ही बारे मैं जानता हूँ , और आज मुझे शर्म आती है की इतना कुछ करने के बाद भी मैं आज सिर्फ़ उसके बारे मैं लिख सकता हूँ । इस बार देश जाके मैं कोशिश करूंगा एक जिम्मेदार भारतीये बन्ने का , बहुत हो गया बच्चों का खेल तमाशा॥ अगर मैं एक दिन भी नियम्मों का पालन कर पाया तोह मैं सम्घोओंगा की मैंने आज अपने देश के लिए कुछ किया है। भारत माता की जय। जय श्री राम॥

giving gyaan

2009-06-20T03:12:00.002-04:00

long time no blog.. and believe me when i say.. long time no gyaan..actually havent had the time to think about things other than whats really happening now..this topic of me and my compulsive behaviour of giving gyaan is pretty old and outdated..i mean i do know i have been doing it since a long time..and i do realize now that much of it is of no use to most of the people on the receiving end...lesson learnt..and the forward motion continues with another parameter .. rather a filter on my gyaan output... a checklist...which should be run before the gyaan session begins..other than the obvious time and medium points in it..there is the need and the level of gyaan which are now added...the obvious "step down sir/maam" request to the receiver..and the "let us fight without raising our voices"...but today i wonder if i am loosing it.. simple issues do not interest me any more..atleast not the childish ones..i sit in my office doing what i am suppose to...not caring to laugh at a joke cracked on me by my colleagues..ignoring the behavior of being polite..it just does not interest me any more.. i am not going to encourage you being stupid about something i have no interest in..i have better things in life to think about..i dont have to concentrate on the love affair going on between a 30 yr old guy and a 20 year old girl..why cant people just digest it and move on..why are we so helpful when it comes to a randomly generated problem between a guy and a girl..i should convince.. i am no super human... i was a part of the same crowd..but the word here is WAS.. am not.. i have changed... i believe in not wasting time on things that are not in my control..but today..i just wished the people around me would be more mature...people who would open their eyes and see green as green... this post is to make me realize that i might have stopped barking up the wrong tree..but there are people out there doing it with pride and there is nothing i can do about it... its nice... i am happy i wrote about it.. its been long since i spoke to anybody about office..im happy today...baba is here..and its nice to see him have a nice time..i am also happy about the newly installed filter in my gyaan pipe... il make it a point to keep a check on the output..but like i said..i have observed.. gyaan output...this month has been null..i dont really know if i should be proud of it..but quite frankly..its a very neutral feeling..on the other hand..i think now i have lost the ability of being a part of a conversation i have no interest in.. i should bring it back.. atleast the "nod of head" part..believe me..its very important...especially when they talk about you ;-).

bad things that are good

2009-06-06T01:07:00.001-04:00

i dont remember but i might have already written something about this in my past posts... pasts post.. ha ha.. like using words like that...bad blog..eh eh.. great girl... anyways...so here im talking about bad things that actually turn out to be good for me.. yet again.. this thought came to my mind when i was driving back from work the other day.. my car..which is actually a minivan..is a decent car..i can go upto 75 miles/hr on it..and it stays in ok state then..anything more than that..is bad for the car..and for me..so when i am on my not-so-usual-anymore ego driving.. i am happy that i dont have a car that can really take the situation out of my hands..although.. like i have said.. i am very proud of my driving skills..and try to improve it every now and then.. nevertheless.. i enjoy driving.. this makes me think about the other things that are ..well.. i dont like using bad.. but.. that are not good in general..but is good for me..more like has a positive white streak in the black picture..this thought has actually helped me in taking things as it comes..and being positive about what ever i encounter..another example that runs through my mind..is when i came here.. was studying and looking desperately for a job..i got an offer to become a technical recruiter then..they were giving me salary+perks+free accommodation..i turned it down.. because it was a cash job..at that time i did not want to take chances by doing something illegal..and..for the rest of that week..i felt terrible for not using an opportunity that literally knocked on my door..but then..jai shri ram.. i heard the knock again..and this time it was OIT..the office of information technology..where i work now..and where i enjoy to work..they pay my tuition..they give me a decent salary..and ahem ahem..they are offering me a job now..shhhhhhhh.. do not tell anybody..anyways.. the bad thing here..was my ego of not working for a company that i could not put on my resume..i dont know if this example really justifies my point here..but there was something wrong..something that stopped me from taking it up..ah.. the bed that i sleep on...for the past 6 months.. i have slept on a concave bed..eh eh eh...one of the legs of the futon broke..and the mattress sunk from the middle..i used to manage by sleeping on the sides...a bad thing right.. bad for my back to sleep like that..but then..earlier this month..when we finally decided to move to another place..i decided to buy a new bed..anybody who has lived here knows how expensive a bed...rather the mattress is..then words of wisdom from my landlord..home depot to the rescue..but a wooden plank..and just screw 4 legs to it..tada..a nice flat bed..from concave to flat...feels nice..i dont use a mattress anymore.. i just dont need it.. i like it the way it is..its very good for your back you see...i just bought two more legs for the plank..its stays more stable that way..like i have said in my previous posts..it is always good to write these posts when you think of them...but then..its not always possible..im sure i had more examples to elaborate my point..but then i guess..the car sums it up well..bad things that are good..im happy that i finally have the ability to find the positive streak in everything that comes my way... जय श्री राम ॥

corporate humour

2009-06-02T19:23:00.001-04:00

two things that i love...marketing and humour..combined.. make a deadly combination...not a long time back.. the last class of the spring semester...consumer behavior.. we had to craft a marketing plan for Nike's fitness apparel..and boy were we excited about the work that we had done..excited..and nervous.. eh eh eh... i know some of my team mates were..but nevertheless..we went up there on the podium and let the ball rolling..i feel the easiest way to enhance your presentation is to take real life examples...adding self experiences..and inputs from people who have already spoken..add all this in a big jar..and add some humour to it.. mind it !! some.. lets keep it corporate..and professional..atleast that is what i do... anyways.. so i was up there...keeping in mind that people were not very happy with my previous presentation which lasted for 40 mins.. the safest card.. laugh on yourself.. so i started with a sarcastic comment about my last presentation..and the response was awesome.. i love it when i see that glow in people's eyes..when they sit up and listen to what you have to say..and yes.. i am proud that i can add some spice to the usual talk...humour here.. humor there..and i was sailing though my presentation.. pacing myself with the audiences reactions..making sure i dont repeat what i did that last time i was there.. got a nice compliment from my classmates when i got back to my seat..what can i say..bottomline..im a slow leaner... but i get there..ah..adding a cherry to the cake.. was the comment from Dr. Dominik.. the faculty incharge... " a very creative approach"..it is incidents like there that make me wanna outperform myself.. i love business marketing and i like it when i am truly appreciated for my work.. i am not always good.. but when it comes to cent percent dedication..marketing clicks.. i wish when i graduate from college.. i have a job which gives me the opportunity to do more than just sit on my desk and play youtube..i am a workaholic..and i like it that way...not a very modest post..eh eh eh .. i dont care..have it.. flaunt it..just dont overdo it.. i just wish i get to do more of what i like..but doesn't everybody??... jai shri ram जय श्री राम ॥

cute little girl

2009-05-21T21:04:00.002-04:00

this one's for deepa... my landlord's 3 year old daughter....i do wanna start with praises and compliments..but i would not.. because.. it is "for her" but not about her.. this is about having a cute little girl playing around a house with 3 bachelors.. oh my god.. is it fun..anyways.. i have always thought and now can say that girls are way more cute than guys when they are young..when they are a kid...and what they hell.. they are generally cute.. even when they are no longer kids..going back to the kiddies... girls have way more dresses than boys.. then they have that cute pink dress they always wear..those tiny little shoes.. haha..fantastic..i would really want to be the proud father of a girl..and this is when i get confused..its been long..but i havent off late heard about the "i want a son" thing.. i think its because im not in India..but i do get the news every day..not there either...well then i guess its gone..i could not understand it in the first place.. i really thought it was a strong force from the "previous" generations which was making them do it.. now that "that" generation has gone..we have overcome another hurdle...i should have written that its not about her..deepa is definitely somebody who gets us guys on our feet...from the time she enters the house..till the time she leaves we are wherever she is..helping her to draw..playing catch with her...tuning in to Disney for her..discussing Disney with her... hehehe..its so much fun..i would rather not use names...but my roommates are on the brink of getting married..all they have to do.. is find a girl.. kheekheekheekhee...anyways.. now that they are "old enough" to walk as a couple..the fatherhood is starting to grow..yes.. i do believe that fatherhood does not start from the day you become a father..it starts way before that..actually..it depends.. i hate saying that..but i dont want to put in everything from my perspective...for me.. it started sometime ago..and i like it..i like the fact that i am getting there..and one day i would graduate..and like i said.. when i do..i would love to have a cute little girl in my arms..जय श्री राम ॥

i dont understand 'use'

2009-05-18T22:33:00.002-04:00

yes, i dont .. i dont understand 'use' when its about people... she used him... he is using her..and similar examples..i dont get it.. and i was with the usual help from my friend the other day trying to understand if the "help" situation is always mutual.. i feel so.. i mean... i here talk about normal people.. people who are not dumb.. and people who i think have graduated in life.. no longer a part of the "puppy love" if i may call it so.. hence..moving forward.. the use thingi.. i feel is way over rated and hence ends up being a biased discussion.. like in the case im talking about here.. girl guy friend... they serious... they plan marriage... then girl say guy..meet the parents... guy says no..ok.. so my version first..whats the big deal..no. i mean.. it is sad.. but its not that all those years the guy was using the girl.. no way.. i think it was mutual.. the girl wanted a bf too.. especially while living at places where having a bf is "cool" ( oh how much i hate that word) anyways.. i would not put forward my verdict about the girl..because i dont really know what happened..but i think this does sum up what im trying to say here..it is important for me to get into details when i hear a "use" story.. and like i said.. i usually get the biased version..and more frequently an incomplete one..why.. because even they dont know..so.. we dont know the guy...we dont know the girl.. why are we talking about it... we are "use-ing" the topic for a conversation.. and usually.. its an unbiased one..because we add our own views to the same..its balanced..and that is how i think every "use" is... especially when it comes to the guy girl thing.. i might need more parameters to fully understand use..but as of now.. its mutual..think about it !! जय श्री राम ॥

read blog, not-know-me

2009-05-09T16:12:00.002-04:00

i was hearing about other people's blogging habits and yes, the outrage or corporate blogging when it hit me that "following" the blog, does know mean you are in "touch" with the writer. i feel so, i mean my blogs are a sheer display of my views on those topics, views that i filter and express only after they pass through layers of thinking and cleaning. there have been times when i do think about putting my real raw thoughts there..but cant be done..its out in the open, and i dont want my words to hurt or harm anybody. hence, if you are following my blog, please not that i am not a part of the blog.. the blog is a part of me.. so the next time you compliment me about the blog, please dont say "i know you, and how you feel, ive read your blog".. no.. you dont know me..not by reading my blogs... you know what i feel then.. you know what i did then..you dont know what i am going to do... besides.. my blogs have posts which repeat themselves because when encountered the same situation again, i was different, probably more experienced this time.. i have written about my driving a lot, an old post would tell you that i am a rather safe driver..a new one..rash...please do not try to get into my head and waste your time about the next post.. more than it being my thoughts about a certain topic..my blogs are more about the inability to have a conversation about the same topic with a normal individual..when i dont get anybody to talk to...someone who does not understand it.. i blog..hence..most ..infact all of my blogs are more like one sided conversations..only if i had a fellow blogger with me...all my posts would be really long..i have said it in my previous posts.. i am a slow learner..so everytime i have a decent conversation with people.. i grasp and graduate..grasp the thought and update my mind with it..i like blogging a lot..probably because i like arguing a lot too..but not without the special tools..logic and understanding... i guess that is why i often fall behind when people talk about things that i have no clue about..or when the talk is by people i have no respect for..i know they cant step down...and they dont have the patience to wait for me to get up there...im grateful to my friend who introduced me to blogging..but what i dont like about it is when people start knowing "deepcdc" more than deep...hehehe... deepcdc... "cdc" is an extension of deep..knowing and understanding 'cdc' would be a good idea..but not a composite one...know 'deep'...and 'cdc'.. like the name..will follow...जय श्री राम ॥