cute little girl

this one's for deepa... my landlord's 3 year old daughter....i do wanna start with praises and compliments..but i would not.. because.. it is "for her" but not about her.. this is about having a cute little girl playing around a house with 3 bachelors.. oh my god.. is it fun..anyways.. i have always thought and now can say that girls are way more cute than guys when they are young..when they are a kid...and what they hell.. they are generally cute.. even when they are no longer kids..going back to the kiddies... girls have way more dresses than boys.. then they have that cute pink dress they always wear..those tiny little shoes.. haha..fantastic..i would really want to be the proud father of a girl..and this is when i get confused..its been long..but i havent off late heard about the "i want a son" thing.. i think its because im not in India..but i do get the news every day..not there either...well then i guess its gone..i could not understand it in the first place.. i really thought it was a strong force from the "previous" generations which was making them do it.. now that "that" generation has gone..we have overcome another hurdle...i should have written that its not about her..deepa is definitely somebody who gets us guys on our feet...from the time she enters the house..till the time she leaves we are wherever she is..helping her to draw..playing catch with her...tuning in to Disney for her..discussing Disney with her... hehehe..its so much fun..i would rather not use names...but my roommates are on the brink of getting married..all they have to do.. is find a girl.. kheekheekheekhee...anyways.. now that they are "old enough" to walk as a couple..the fatherhood is starting to grow..yes.. i do believe that fatherhood does not start from the day you become a father..it starts way before that..actually..it depends.. i hate saying that..but i dont want to put in everything from my perspective...for me.. it started sometime ago..and i like it..i like the fact that i am getting there..and one day i would graduate..and like i said.. when i do..i would love to have a cute little girl in my arms..जय श्री राम ॥

i dont understand 'use'

yes, i dont .. i dont understand 'use' when its about people... she used him... he is using her..and similar examples..i dont get it.. and i was with the usual help from my friend the other day trying to understand if the "help" situation is always mutual.. i feel so.. i mean... i here talk about normal people.. people who are not dumb.. and people who i think have graduated in life.. no longer a part of the "puppy love" if i may call it so.. hence..moving forward.. the use thingi.. i feel is way over rated and hence ends up being a biased discussion.. like in the case im talking about here.. girl guy friend... they serious... they plan marriage... then girl say guy..meet the parents... guy says no..ok.. so my version first..whats the big deal..no. i mean.. it is sad.. but its not that all those years the guy was using the girl.. no way.. i think it was mutual.. the girl wanted a bf too.. especially while living at places where having a bf is "cool" ( oh how much i hate that word) anyways.. i would not put forward my verdict about the girl..because i dont really know what happened..but i think this does sum up what im trying to say here..it is important for me to get into details when i hear a "use" story.. and like i said.. i usually get the biased version..and more frequently an incomplete one..why.. because even they dont know..so.. we dont know the guy...we dont know the girl.. why are we talking about it... we are "use-ing" the topic for a conversation.. and usually.. its an unbiased one..because we add our own views to the same..its balanced..and that is how i think every "use" is... especially when it comes to the guy girl thing.. i might need more parameters to fully understand use..but as of now.. its mutual..think about it !! जय श्री राम ॥

read blog, not-know-me

i was hearing about other people's blogging habits and yes, the outrage or corporate blogging when it hit me that "following" the blog, does know mean you are in "touch" with the writer. i feel so, i mean my blogs are a sheer display of my views on those topics, views that i filter and express only after they pass through layers of thinking and cleaning. there have been times when i do think about putting my real raw thoughts there..but cant be done..its out in the open, and i dont want my words to hurt or harm anybody. hence, if you are following my blog, please not that i am not a part of the blog.. the blog is a part of me.. so the next time you compliment me about the blog, please dont say "i know you, and how you feel, ive read your blog".. no.. you dont know me..not by reading my blogs... you know what i feel then.. you know what i did then..you dont know what i am going to do... besides.. my blogs have posts which repeat themselves because when encountered the same situation again, i was different, probably more experienced this time.. i have written about my driving a lot, an old post would tell you that i am a rather safe driver..a new one..rash...please do not try to get into my head and waste your time about the next post.. more than it being my thoughts about a certain topic..my blogs are more about the inability to have a conversation about the same topic with a normal individual..when i dont get anybody to talk to...someone who does not understand it.. i blog..hence..most ..infact all of my blogs are more like one sided conversations..only if i had a fellow blogger with me...all my posts would be really long..i have said it in my previous posts.. i am a slow learner..so everytime i have a decent conversation with people.. i grasp and graduate..grasp the thought and update my mind with it..i like blogging a lot..probably because i like arguing a lot too..but not without the special tools..logic and understanding... i guess that is why i often fall behind when people talk about things that i have no clue about..or when the talk is by people i have no respect for..i know they cant step down...and they dont have the patience to wait for me to get up there...im grateful to my friend who introduced me to blogging..but what i dont like about it is when people start knowing "deepcdc" more than deep...hehehe... deepcdc... "cdc" is an extension of deep..knowing and understanding 'cdc' would be a good idea..but not a composite one...know 'deep'...and 'cdc'.. like the name..will follow...जय श्री राम ॥

baah.. its cool

i hate it.. i hate the concept of saying whatever you want..and ending it with..ah its cool..they are my pals...in class you shout out the F word.. bah its cool..everybody says knows it a slang.. i know its a slang..but that does not make it cool.. i mean..i am not at all against "cool" rather "being cool" but i hate it when people define cool as what "they think it is"..hard for people to accept..but i know people who just cannot get over not using swear words..they do it all the time.. you know its "cool" i dont really care about what the others think.. i dont care about what the kids here..its all cool... he or she is going to get to the same phase eventually... no.. he/she will not.. if you stop yourself from saying and doing it now.. girls using bad language.. is a turn off..for any normal guy..i would say normal and not cheap..because normal guys swear too...they just know when to stop doing it..the cool people..nea nea.. they dont.. they think its cool..and yes..the greatest..a group of guys very comfortably using swear words in front of girls..aha.. cool again.. she is one of us...cmon..she is a guy..what they hell..say all the crap you want to..she does not care..we dont care for her either..no respect..just say what ever you want..she wont mind.. she is "cool"... i have tried so hard to accept the fact that a girl can be a part of a gang like that and keep her respect intact..but i just cant do it..my friends have tried to convince me of the fact that i am a chauvinist..and that is why i dont like it when girls use swear words.. quite frankly.. i dont care..for me respect comes from what i hear..not from her friends but from her..and you can imagine the respect i would give to a girl who cannot complete a sentence without F***ing it..picture this...you are new to a city..you walk by a group of youngsters..handful of guys..and a couple of girls ..going foom faang and fing...what would run through your brain then ? tomorrow do you want your girlfriend to be standing there? with "cool" people around her.. its pretty sad that girls have stopped caring about it.. cant convince them..join them..seems to be an easier way out..ah what they hell .. they talk trash.. i can listen to trash..it 'apparently' is not doing any bad to me..they are my buddies..well.. how about telling your buddies to treat the lady with some respect..but pop comes the answers..."ah cmon... boys will be boys"..yea. put the blame on us..we want you to stand there listening to trash..you cant say anything..you are a good friend...not to give a partial judgement here..but i have been a part of a similar group too.. i can understand there are times when these things cant be ignored..when you just have to be there...but dont make it a habit..tell your friends to behave like civilized educated graduated adults..not like a roadside good...i know trash talk happens a lot when a group of buddies meet..but believe it or not..and this is for people who think all we do is talk trash about women and sex..we have respect there..we do know the line..and we hardly cross it...i know there are people there.. who think this would be a bunch of loosers who dont really talk about the obvious...but stop the stereotyping...the next time you mention.."boys will be boys"... try changing it to "in my group of friends.. boys will be boys".. talk about yourself being in that crowd..not every girl..boys are for you.."there are some men out there...for the ladies..." जय श्री राम ॥

pictures say it all

i like taking pictures, i want every moment of my life to be captured in pictures..it should be so that when i look back.. i should have something to see and remember from.. the best part about photos is that they carry a story with them...remember the last time when you saw an old pic and didnt go.."ah that was when.....and just after that...." i have tonnes of pictures of me with people at places where i havent gone again.. i still remember my first pic with rocky's statue in philli..although like i have said in my older posts..i was in complete trance that particular day.. i dont know why..but anyways..i love that pic..it was the first time i was in philli..oh my god..what a day..anyways..then there are other pics..i just saw a pic of my friend with her new born daughter..i cant even start to imagine how beautiful that pic would look to that daughter 15-20 years from now.. this time when i was in India i made it a point to scan all the old pics that i had at home..and my god is it great to look at them now..i can look stare at them for hours together..i can stop at every pic and relate to everything that was captured then... my toys..my tricycle..the yellow bear me and my sister used to fight over..my old school... my first dance in class 5th with my friends...its amazing how it all comes back when you look at just one picture..my old birthday pics remind me of my "birthday sweater".. this green and black sweater i used to wear every birthday..now that i think about pictures i also realize that its not just the picture that comes alive..so does the memories of those days... when i talk about the picture when i was in 5th..gorakhpur.. i remember this friend..she for some reason was the only girl who used to wear pants and come to school..hehehe.. me and my friends used to tease her a lot on that..until this another girl started the same practice..if i write every thing that the picture reminds me of..i could write a book on it...infact on any other picture that i have in my retro collection.. i thank my mausi who gifted me a digital camera sometime in 2004..that was then..and its 2009 now.. i have clicked everything that came my way..then the great tales of a mobile phone camera..wow..the one im using now..is just wow..its a sony cybershot phone..and believe you me..i have all the fun with just one click...my friends call me crazy for taking pictures of everything that i do...but like always.. i tell them.. i just dont wanna miss anything...what if tomorrow you ask me about that place and i dont remember it.. i want everything to be with me..all my life...the places i have stayed..the placed i have visited..the places that fall on the way to the place that i live.. just everything..and like i said.. its not necessary always to capture everything ... but to capture the essence of the place..a picture of me sitting on a rock in some remote place can be the origin of a long story..the best part about it..with every picture.. im becoming a good photographer...yes yes.. i have had my share of bad photography..but i dont mind it..i dont consider myself to be a really good picture taker..but hey.. im not that bad..writing about photography makes me wanna look at the old pictures and enjoy the older times again..i can go on and all..but..pictures say it all..जय श्री राम ॥

the empty room

hatwal saab..my roommate left for India today..for good..and me and my roommate now already feel the change..rather the void at home..i feel the best of friendship comes when you live with people of the same frequency..i guess that is why parents are the most important people in one's life.. the reason being...the pretension part does not exist..you share a house with them..there is nothing to hide..you have your "my day was..." moment with them..not taking anything away from my current roommate, i think he is a gem of a person..but this void now..is what is shared by me and him..coming back from work..shouting out hatwal's name as soon as we enter the house.. the morning tea.. oh my god.. am i going to miss that..damn it hatwal..you didnt even give us the time to adjust to "hatwal not being here"... well obviously its not just about the delicious food that he cooked..or the morning tea..but about the person.. just being there..he just left this evening..and we already are on the "eat from outside" schedule..it was 10 in the night and we were calling for food from places we didnt even existed..sheer desperation to get food, now that hatwal is not here. hatwal also was my in home councillor..sharing the day with him was an experience with his not so usual take on the world.. i have had other roommates in this house too..namely..muchhukuti and pichika..but nea..the frequency just did not match there.. we remember discussing this last weekend..me hatwal and bhenkat..we all were ready to live like this for atleast a couple of more years.. i wish things would have worked for hatwal here...but nevertheless..he was happy to go back..and thats cool..bhenkat says hatwal is going to have a nice time whereever he goes..and not that he is back to hyd..where he was before coming here..he is going to have a nice time there too..but what about us..are we going to be stuck with some "other" guy...the empty room really freaks me out..its dark..its empty..where is hatwal?..every time bhenkat used to cross the room he would tease hatwal...then they used to run down..usually bhenkat being followed by hatwal with something or the other to hit him with.. ah. im gonna miss that...and its not just me..my others friends had great respect for hatwal too..they experienced his company and his food too..and im sure they can back me up when i say..both were incomparable.. im not saying that i would not have a great roommate again..but then..the comparison with hatwal would always be drawn.. coming back to the part about the best friendships coming from staying together... im great friends with my roommates from college too..simple because i was I..and they were THEY..i would not like to term this as missing hatwal...but now that he is not there..much is going to change..me and bhenkat feel the strong urge to get married now ;-) ... ha ha....we need somebody to talk to when we come back.. i come late from work.. so i wont have to face that till bhenkat is here..but then what happens when he is out in the weekends.. i always felt that i liked staying alone..but that said.. i meant staying alone when i have a busy day life.. i like to come back to the silence and warmth of a empty room..and just relax..i guess im going to experience that very soon..i remember when akki's gf when back to India from here.. he was so lonely that he came here from chicago to spend the weekend..im happy that he gets to go back this month and stay there.. atleast in India for a couple of months..obviously my experience is a little different..but then..he has been the "default" since a long time..imagine something being a default for a long time..and it just goes missing one day..not that you didnt take care of it..but its just not there..how about the internet for example..i blog.. i email.. ichat.. i share photos..videos..orkut..facebook..what if one day all that just stop to exist..and you frankly cant do much about it..than just to wait for it to come back..or start living without it..because you at some point were..anyways..not trying to be sentimental here..but the empty room like i said.. is empty... जय श्री राम ।

what do you do first ?

so what do you do first..what do you switch of first before leaving your room... the light or the fan ?.. do you first plug in your laptop and then plug in the charger? do you check the missed call and then the voicemail ? do you have a sip of water and then the pill ? do you wear the waist belt left to right.. or right to left? you adjust the rear view mirror first or the side mirrors? do you login to the messenger first..or your email ? two parking spots are free... do you take the left one..or the right one? do you wear your left shoe before the right one?..how about the socks? cutting nails...wiping your face.. left first..or right?.. these questions and many more.. i am amazed by the answers that i get from people...i know scientifically its always about "left-handed, right-handed" life.. but not always..and its fun once you really start observing these things..the answers are very dynamic..like the one with the rear view mirrors.. since i park my car in the garage..if any adjustments.. i make them in the side mirrors first..would allow me easy exit from the garage..although once the car is out.. i have seen my friends adjusting only the rear view mirror..and doing the tougher one..the side mirrors..later while driving..then about the parking sports...i havent figured this out yet.. but i would prefer parking on the left hand side..even in India..where its all right hand drive...the left parking was my choice...the thing about the belt..its very strange..this friend in office asked me that question..i was actually confused...and then i finally told him i did it from left to right...obviously when its pitch dark.. you would switch off the fans first..and then the lights..but what if it isnt..this post.. im not trying to push a point across..i just want to make me get up, notice and appreciate every single decision i make..and find a logic for it..this is a way to cut down my time thinking about things that dont really make sense...every morning i get up..and exit my bed from the left..why ?.. i have no idea..so offlate ive started getting off from the right side..no difference..i dont know why i didnt do it all this time..like i was telling this friend of mine..with walking only on the path of my thoughts..i was missing on a dimension of life.. not a huge chunk..but yes, some..i dont want to miss anything.. hence..im going to try, although not too hard...but to look at a situation from multiple angles..i might just find the logic there.. जय श्री राम ।

arey oo pushpa

... arey kaka... apna rajesh khanna reyyyyyyyy... kheekheekheekhee.. my friends...and this one very annoying good friend has accussed me of being too filmy... too hindi movie... sorry.. i have to switch to hindi to write this post.. just cant do it in english.. बात ऐसी है की जब हमारे भारत देश के लोगों के बारे मैं बात करो तोह दो ही चीज़ें मन मैं आती हैं... एक है क्रिकेट का पागल्पन्न और दूसरा है फिल्मी सितारों की चमचमाहट , तोह अब हम तोह एकदम देश वासी वाले लोगों मैं से हैं तोह हम्मे तोह यह दोनों एकदम कूट कूट के भरा हुआ है॥ तोह भला हम कैसे दूर रहे फिल्मी होने से॥ जब कोई लड़की मिले..तोह नि संदेह हम एकदम फिल्मी स्टाइल मार देते हैं , ड्रीम सेकुएंस मैं जाके एक गाना हो जाता है। खैर यह सब तोह हुई इधर उधर की बातें। अब आते हैं ज़िन्दगी पे, तोह कल को जब हमारी शादी होगी॥ एक तोह इससे हम इतने परेशान है की का कहें। मलतब एक सीधी साधी लड़की मिलना कितना बड़ा काम है पता नही , तोह पहले तोह हम चाहता हूँ की लड़की एकदम फिल्मी होनी चाहिए, सीधी सीधी बात है, और कैटरिना कैफ ने भी कहाँ था यह नमस्ते लन्दन मैं, की हमारे पास बात करने को कोई विषय तोह होना चाहिए न, और हमारी हिन्दी फिल्मों से बढ़िया विषय का हो सकता है भला। फ़िर उसके ऊपर हम कुछ ऐसी चीज़ें करना चाहते हैं जो कोई नई पीड़ी की लड़की बिल्कुल समघ नही पायेगी, जैसे बाघ मैं जाके गाना गाना , फ़िर घर पे कभी एक हसीं शाम मैं एकदम डांस करना । कभी कभी छुट्टियों पे घंटो घंटो फ़िल्म देखना। पढने वाले को ज़रूर यह काफ़ी विचित्र लगे, लेकिन हमें तोह यही चाहिए ज़िन्दगी से, कहे को बेकार की इधर उधर लगे भुझी मैं दिमाग गरम करना, एक बढ़िया सा अमिताभ बच्हन का पिक्चर लागैय्ये, और उसमे खू जैय्ये। असल मैं बात हमको यह लगता है की जिसको भी हम इन् सब चीज़ों के बारे मैं बताते हैं, वोह शायद कभी यह किए नही होंगे, तभी उनको मालूम नही है की फिल्मी ज़िन्दगी होती क्या है... कभी आप अपने घर के चतथ पे जाके गाना गए हैं ? कभी आप खिड़की पे खड़े होके कुछ शेर बोले हैं ? अगर बोलेन हैं, तोह आप भी हमारी तरह ही हैं॥ कभी अगर बारिश को देख के आप बहार जाके बारिश का गाना गाते है भींगें हैं तोह आप फिल्मी हैं... यह सब चीज़ें हम आगे ज़िन्दगी मैं करना भूल जाते हैं। हमको इस बात की समघ ज़रूर है की सब ज़िन्दगी की भीड़ भाद मैं घुम्म हो जाते हैं॥ कभी कभी हम भी... लेकिन इतना भी नही घुम्म हो जैय्ये की आप आप न रहे, और हमको बिल्कुल लगता है की फ़िल्म सब एक बहुत अछा जरिया है आपको अपनी ज़िन्दगी से मिलाने का॥ यह मेरा मानना आज से नही॥ बल्कि बहुत समय से चले आ रहा है ... खैर, हम तोह भगवान् से मांगते हैं, की अगर कोई पुराना गाना सुनें जो हमको बहुत पसंद आए... तोह ज़रा दुएत गाने मैं हमरी बीवी हमरा साथ दे... बस एक ही बात का डर है, यह न बोल दे... हिन्दी... तुम हिन्दी गाने सुनते हो? क़यामत ही आ जायेगी उस दिन तोह ॥ खैर हम जानते हैं... भगवान् जो भी करेंगे अच्छे के लिए करेंगे॥ जय श्री राम ... वाह वाह... हिन्दी मैं राम का नाम लिखने मैं कितना मज़ा आया॥ अब से सब ख़तम करने के बाद॥ हम हिन्दी मैं ही लिखेंगे राम का नाम... वाह वाह... जय श्री राम !!

sames names

this is a new one.. yes definitely.. this is a new thought..and its nice that i get to write about it now...but wait.. my nails are disturbing me..alright...2 am..nails cut.. good to go..so as i was saying..this is i think the first time in my life that i have thought about it...given a thought to the concept of two people with the same names being similar in nature..and im not sure..but i think they are.. i have the example of a very common name in my head..which for obvious reasons i wont mention here..i dont know why.. but i experience with people of "the" name has not been good.. its been more of downs than up..may be they dont get me...thats the first thing that comes to my mind when i dont feel comfortable with people..the communication is bad..something wrong that i am doing when i talk to "the" people.. anyways.. i just heard about a certain person being very rude to his family member..i cant really write this post without using a name....alright.. lets try the name "ron".. so i just heard about ron being really rude to a family member..and i almost immediately compared it with another incident of another ron..the first thought in my mind... are all rons like that?..anyways.. years pass.. i come to america from india..and i meet ron 3 here...i hear he has been a student here since 7 years.. and has not gone back to india all that time..my mind tells me... he is no good with family back home...then i meet another guy in college.. name..ron..he is no good either...eventually.. my mind red flags the name ron..i dont know why.. but now everytime i meet a person with the name ron..i would be on the "backfoot"..because my mind has already red flagged that name..i know its wrong.. but my first reaction would be avoid..the next being babysteps..i have since childhood hated the name ron.. i just dont like it.. all my life.. i have met rons..and they all have been stupid people...the dimension im trying to explore here is..if its my mind which is acting that way..or is the phenomenon of like people have life names true..i feel it is.. or.. now that i believe in luck and fate.. maybe im not good with rons...i should probably try not being around them..but then again..im avoiding them..because i dont like them.. not because they are rons..i mean.. i atleast did it twice..the third time it was more about the name and lesser about the individual..but i would definitely like to meet a ron..who would be normal and who would probably encourage me to write a post..this time about breaking the "same names phenomenon".. jai shri ram..