good things good people

this distant friend of mine, as in friend's friend had some ultimate breakthrough in business management, and he is going to Germany for a presentation on his business proposal..in a perfect world, there is nothing wrong with it..he is intelligent, he came up with something good, and now he is going to prove it.well, this is not a perfect world..i am happy for him, but on the other hand, is it fair ? he is out there conquering the world because he was given the resources, he is on the top from where people can hear what he says and respond...but what about the people at the foot of the hill..i know some people who have come up with ideas and proposals that are at par with his "idea" but they havent been heard because they are not up there..wait.. let me put it in simple words..any good business school graduate has enough resources to convert his ideas into actions..but what about the people who dont get into business schools ? are their ideas obsolete, just because they dont have a brand name on it..like i said, i know people..who have gone through hell to work on an idea..faced rejection..only to find out that the same was later done by some big shot in a hifi bschool..i always thought of america as a place where academic achievements were one step below the achievements of life..where any individual could stand up..put forward and idea..support it..and then move on with his dream..to see it in action some day..where did all that go..why is it that the screams and shouts of only the "elite" are heard ?..linkin park says "when the rich wage war..its the poor who die" or maybe it was fort minor..nevertheless, its very hard for me to understand why good things happen to people who are at the peak..on one hand is the argument that they deserve it..on the other..how will an average thinker get there if he does not have those resources..hell.. i have seen people working well with half the resources given to the elite crowd..slow internet connections..financial problems..limited..in every physical dimension..yet they come out strong..that hope of reaching the top pushes them to the limit and beyond..sadly without much success..although its not completely true that they dont reach there..there definitely are people who have walked the trail not "airlifted"..i wish one day i have the power to help these minds reach the top.. i have spent hours thinking about my dream..dream for me..is not just having something..owning a Ferrari is not a dream..i would not disrespect my dreams by putting a limit on it..dream should evolve..its funny.. i talk about helping others when i myself am in a ditch..but then..there is the hope..hope to walk out alive..and the hope to rescue others there.. उम्मीद पे दुनिया कायम है ..the power of hope..keeps us fighting.. i get knocked down..but i get up again... जय श्री राम ॥

the projected image

im sure this is happened with everybody, sitting outside on the chair, staring at the stars..thinking of life, the plan that you had..the ways things would have been if that one or many incident(s) could have gone your way.. i have it too.. i have this image a high resolution movie of me going to work in a business suit and being in that world.. yesterday, in my diversity class, the professor asked us about golf, and i was one of the three people who "played" golf..one thing led to another and i started making arguments about the fact that the sport is not as expensive as it looks from the outside..the investment there is way less than the return you get from one day on the green..i was so confident.. i was answering questions left right and centre..and then..when the argument came to an end.. i realized my golf is limited to the computer screen and the playstation..i have never..not in the past 10 years set my foot on a golf course..so who was this person giving examples and pointers about the game.. it was the projected me..i really should not be proud of the fact that i know that much about the game without playing it..but then that is some place i wanna be.. some day.. everyday i go to work, i pass two golf course..its just that i am not ready to enter it yet..financially.. mentally..the projected image.. in my mind.. i am already there.. you talk to me about golf.. i am there.. is this the future me.. i dont know, in some time, i might get a nice job.. get done with my mba and be happy with my life, but then i would not be justifying the image of "future me" that i have now.. if i have to categorize this as an "image".. i would choose.. "the projected me" .. today when i talk i project the image of a person who has played golf multiple times and knows the ins and outs of the game..which..is not entirely incorrect..but technically speaking..i was not there..i just projected my self to be there and then came out with my experience..which to my surprise were amazingly clear. this also makes me think, if these images appear this way because i am so far from the reality that i add my own favorites to the image, destroying the originality..which shall be different from what i have..times are tough now.. but it does not bother me much because a certain force just keep me going..every time i think about quitting.. i see the light at the end of the tunnel..which makes me get up and fight again.. my only fear is to loose that trust i have on my vision..and maybe one day declare it as an illusion..and come face to face with reality..there is not light...जय श्री राम ॥

blah.. to..better..

last weekend i had a long talk with a friend of mine about living in a society, or should i say surviving in the society, most of it about telling people what they want to hear..i am a marketing major now, i know word of mouth is the most efficient way of advertising or creating awareness. when it comes to my professional life, i am very clear about the rights and wrongs, because i think its an easy escape even if you fail the first time, the second shot comes along sooner or later, also , my speech is more professional, hence filtering the general attitude i have towards people.. i really like the professional me.. but then.. office work is not all i have to do.. my personal life is where i am lost, lost when i communicate..until now, i was running the same algorithm i had for my personal life, do you homework, know the client, and then adjust your talk accordingly..but i was surprise to know that my method worked only in extreme cases..ie.. good.or bad..or 0..1..this conversation with my friend came at the right time because i was making some new friends..and was getting very comfortable with them, they perfectly fit my algorithm..alright, lets start with the good, good people.. easy to talk to..blah..my talk..in this case was clear..no emotional filter.. no professional filter... just blah.. since i figured they are the good people.. i dont have to monitor my words..they are my friends..they know what im talking about, and they know when im serious.."you are such a critic" is something i have heard a lot..and what bothers me about any casual statement is the value of it when i say it.. for me.. it holds a value of may be 10..but surprisingly, the person on the other side puts it on the top of the ladder..value 500..why..arent you confident enough..with these good people.. i make sure not to touch topics where i think there might be conflicts..everything else..is casual for me...but..now.. i have changed, "there is not formula for life" .. "the perfect solution"...i have stopped thinking about have a great life.. being the perfect friend..being the perfect husband..being the perfect worker..i am not aiming for a normal life...a normal friend who can be a critic without hurting the friendship part..i think my search for perfection would come not just from my work..but with inputs from the people around me...for the record.. my algorithm for life..which only gave a binary output.. i would have to tweak it for the new life..stop judging people over one bad incident..yea.. i do that a lot..and now i know why.. well, the bad people algorithm..is actually pretty simple..i talk to them straight..i appreciate them.. i critic them..and i move on..but i dont put my heart into it..and maybe thats why the communication there is simpler.. communication 101..punctured my exsisting skills..but nevertheless.. i move on..thanks... जय श्री राम ..

अत्यंत्त प्रसंन्त्ता

अत्यंत्त प्रस्संता "atyantt prasanta" means overwhelming happiness, something that i havent experienced since long..i am happy..but i for some strange reason the atyantt prasantta stage is long due..something that is less spoken and more felt..happiness which is the perfect combination of satisfaction and joy..rather satisfaction..joy and a direct reflection of an event which just occurred.alright, so taking it one at a time.. joy..i am generally jovial..i mean i dont have much to worry about..the smaller things in life do make me worry about them..but im not sure if completion of them would make me that happy..then there is work..my job..which with the grace of god..is going smooth..smooth..more like a steady sttraight line..without any bumps..something that my friend was talking about yesterday..a job very bland.. lacking all the masala aka challenges and uphill tasks..something that would make that line go up or down..but then again..doing good work is not the source of happiness..maybe satisfaction..but then i leave the other two untouched.. direct reflection of an event..well the next big one would be my parents visit..which is in about a month.. but again..then it would be all joy... offlate i have learned that not everything is controlled by me..and that i should not be trying to predict the future..no matter how much information i have.. i have some idea of it..but i would rather keep it for a future post..when it really happens...that way i can try putting it in words then..which im sure would be a huge challenge.. जय श्री राम ॥

sunday night insomnia

heard and read a lot about sunday being the most depressing day in a workers life as the last day of joy and monday being the first day of the week. but in my case its a little different. all week i am happy with my work, i like the weekdays, they keep me busy and i really like my job.. so all is good there, sunday night is when i tend to have weird depressing thoughts about my life...depressing as in running a check on my life and what i have done with it..this week..this month..this year.. i am not disappointed with this behaviour of mine because its nice that i keep a check on my status and know whats right and wrong..but why sunday night..maybe because i am busy the whole week..and then all weekend..till saturday...with friends..with people around me i can talk to..keeping me busy..but then comes sunday when nobody wants to do anything..just sit back and relax..maybe because i dont have much to do.. maybe..hehe..because i am single and my other friends are busy spending quality time with their loved ones..its 1am and i am not sleepy..infact there have been times when i have had a strong urge to get up and go to the office to avoid that awkward moment of thoughts..i was going to write this post last week..but ended up just lying on the bed fighting my thoughts till 4 am..wow..that was weird..i must have logged on and off the computer several times that night...my first thought about this was the absence of peace of mind..maybe something that i am missing..something that should give me sleepless nights..but is not..the solution for that..i thought i wasnt really giving the job search all my might..so some sunday nights.. i just spend browsing websites and applying for jobs..today..i have nothing..nothing except insomnia..and a pile of clothes i just took out from the drier..i have done my homework..i checked my email for work.. i went through my work computer for any new jobs assigned to me..i see nothing..its funny.. but this is the kind of feeling i used to get when discussing the feeling of "falling in love" with a friend..i think i can call it"being helpless"..because i could never decode that feeling.. i know its there..but im not sure what to do with it now..with love..its about expressing it i guess...here..its about solving it..in both cases.. how do you know if what you are experiencing is what you think it is..im not confused..just a little over curious about both..anyways..the best part about it..is that i dont experience it for another week...nevertheless.. जो भी होता है आचे के लए होता है ॥ जय श्री राम ॥